Monday, June 28, 2010

Top 9 Atheist Sayings that Suck

There are many tried and true sayings out there, but for atheists, they turn into terrible expressions. Here are the worst ones:

9. When shocked by something:
Oh my Science!

8. When determined to do something:
Come imaginary territory of suffering or high water!

7. When feeling patriotic:
Nothing bless America!

6. When in a very unpleasant area:
Get me out of this Evolution-forsaken place!

5. When exasperated:
For outer-space beyond our atmosphere's sake!

4. When enjoying chocolate cake:
This cake is simply "imaginary place where an imaginary being lives"-ly

3. At a wedding:
What an imaginary being has joined, let no man put asunder!

2. In court:
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Science?

1. When you sneeze:
Evolution bless you!

39 comments:

  1. ConcernedCitizen7:06 pm, June 28, 2010

    I think you're trying too hard.

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    1. Oh jeez, atheism is a fairytale for delusional morons. Why would you defend it? Poor little snowflake! Can't handle people criticizing atheism! Boo-friggin-hoo! Dumbass atheists... No wonder you retards are a dying breed.

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. You people are so brainwashed. If someone making jokes about your stupid atheistic beliefs triggers you so much, then maybe it's time to get an education and chuck "the God delusion" out the window.

      Just sayin'.

      The Truth doesn't care what you believe. When you realize there is a God and an afterlife, you're going to look back on your bigoted anti-theist days and realize what a pathetic idiot you were. :)

      Delete
    2. Uh-oh! An atheist got triggered by an opposing viewpoint! WHAT A SHOCKER!

      Also in the news, grass is green, water is wet, and God still exists no matter how much brainwashed atheist cultists whine that He doesn't!

      Delete
    3. There is a God.

      Also, all atheists are dumb, irrational, illogical, blind, immoral, illiterate, braindead, anti-science cunts.

      These are objective facts. Get over it.

      Delete
    4. So many triggered atheists.

      Delete
  3. Boy, it takes a real leap of faith to believe anyone would actually say these silly things. Get it? Leap of... ahh, you don't care.

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  4. I find it rather funny how people who have a religion get so defensive when someone says something about it.. that they don't like.

    Not that anyone cares, considering that this form is from like .. years ago, haha .. But There is no ''God'' There's no religion, this is coming for a 15 year old.. Who has finally throwing the bible out the window.. If God loved us, he would of been here by now, if God really was ''here for us'' than he would actually be here for us..

    Just sayin'

    These sites piss me off.. You guys are brainwashed. Wasting your lifes only to die.. there wont be no God. There wont be a place where all the ''good'' people go.. Your going to be DEAD.. FOR ETERNITY..Nothing!

    ^_^ woooo

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    1. Awww, yet another triggered atheist. You people have the most unbelievably thin skin. Lighten up! People are allowed to make fun of your silly godless religion. If you don't like it, then maybe you should just stay in your parents' basements. :)

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  5. Here's a better Athiest Saying: "The Christian Bible is a violent, ignorant piece of shit, written by stupid idiots about an imaginary being in the sky(the dome over the earth), who is selfish, vain,and wickedly cruel and repeatedly murders thousands upon thousands of people, including innocent children and orders beating of slaves and murder of those who do not believe in him or follow his archaic rules. It is not worthy of fueling the fire in my woodstove or even wiping my ass."

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  6. Here's a batter saying:
    "The God Delusion is a violent fairytale for retarded people (atheists) that endorses rape, pedophilia, misogyny, murder, demonization of all theists, hatred towards everyone who isn't an atheist, and belief in silly theories like the big bang and macro-evolution. The book is so hysterically bad, a two-year-old could have written it. It's the most useless and false book ever written, and it's not worthy of fueling fire in my wood stove or wiping my ass."

    Hey, it's obvious that atheists are always compensating whenever they open their ugly, worthless mouths, so they might as well be saying this!

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  7. Nah, bro. Here are the 9 dumbest things atheists say (for real):

    9. Theists are anti-science! Only atheists understand and believe in science! Christian scientists like Newton, Lemaitre, Aquinas, and countless others were all frauds and nutjobs! Atheist scientists like Bill Nye the Sex Junk Guy are the REAL geniuses!

    8. Theism is the leading cause of all wars! Atheists are flawless and have never killed or hurt anyone!

    7. Jesus never existed! Historians are wrong!

    6. I know for a fact that there is no God! I also know precisely what happened at the beginning of time!

    5. The Bible mentions animals with one horn! Therefore, it's a fairytale book!

    4. If God was real, why don't I get what I want all the time? I trusted God to give me a pony for Christmas but He didn't! That's objective proof that God is not real!

    3. God is a man-made construct used to control people! The persecution of the disciples was an inside job! Jesus' Resurrection was a big practical joke!

    2. We are all born atheists!

    1. Atheism is a lack of belief!

    And now for a few (dis)honorable mentions:

    - I just believe in one less god then you do!

    - Atheists are the only people in the world who are nice and smart! Everyone else is an asshole and a retard!

    - Being an atheist is very liberating! Now I don't feel guilty whenever I rape kids! Pedophilia and rape are okay, but only when we do it!

    - Morality is subjective!

    - We are made up of stardust, pond scum, and fish!

    - The world would be a wonderful utopia if we could just "deconvert", imprison, or kill all the theists!

    - Richard Dawkins is smart and "The God Delusion" is a good book!

    - I know for a fact that bulb-headed aliens exist!

    - The Bible promotes rape, murder, pedophilia, the flat-earth theory, sexism, racism, slavery, and atheophobia! Also, Jesus is gender nonconforming!

    - Skydaddy! Flying spaghetti monster! Wizard in the sky! Teapot in space! Skyfairy!

    - God raped Mary!

    - There are 76 genders and otherkin is totally legit!

    - Christianity oppresses women and black people!

    - Hitler was a Christian!

    - Atheists don't have the burden of proof! You can't prove a negative!

    - Atheists know the Bible better than Christians! I bet Christians don't even know that the Bible says, "Thou shalt not play Skyrim on the Sabbath"!

    (Some of these are a little exaggerated, but you get the point.)

    Whoo, boy! Atheists say so many dumb things, it's hard to compile all of them into one comment! I'm sure I missed quite a few, so if anyone reads this and would like to add more dumb atheists sayings, be my guest!

    Thank you. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everything about this comment is just too real!

      Delete
  8. I can't wait to see how atheists react when they find out there is a God and an afterlife and that their lifetimes of harassing, abusing, and demonizing Christians has earned them an eternity in hell with all the other nasty, hateful, scummy little a(nti)theist bigots! HA!

    ^_^ wooooooo

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  9. I love to hate atheism. And atheists.

    All atheists are genocidal maniacs who only love three things in this world: themselves, other atheists, and tormenting those of us who are not atheists.

    If every atheist moved to another planet, earth would be paradise.

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    Replies
    1. I wouldn't mind atheists if they didn't constantly shove their beliefs down everyone else's throat while patting themselves on the back 24/7. Their arrogance and rudeness are off the charts, and that's why I can't stand them.

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  10. Atheism is just as bad as radical Islam. They both kill Christians and Jews, they both endorse pedophilia and raping women, and they both endorse lying and spreading false information about their beliefs to get people to join their side.

    The only difference is 99.9% of all atheists are horrible people while radical Muslims only make up 15% (at the most) of all Muslims.

    Adherents of good belief systems like Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, and non-radical Islam shouldn't have to put up with bad belief systems like atheism any longer.

    We should just get rid of atheists. Atheism is the worst religion, and the world would be an infinitely better place without it and its followers.

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  11. The fuck are the first four comments on here?????? Atheists are stupid as fuck.

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  12. Atheism is a mental illness.

    It's also a man-made idea that people use as a tool to control everyone else.

    Facts hurt, skeptards. Deal with it.

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  13. Stupid shit atheists say:

    1. "I KNOW for a fact that there is no God!"
    (Yes, because you were there at the dawn of time, and you saw the world explode into existence from nothing. Riiiiiiight!)

    2. "Atheists are automatically smarter than everyone else!"
    (Actually, they're not. A few biased studies will tell you that they are, but in reality, they're no smarter than the average person. Also, at what point after becoming an atheist do you automatically become one of the smartest people on the planet? Does it happen overnight? Does it happen the very second you say, "I'm an atheist"? Seriously, when does it happen?)

    3. "All Christians are bad people! Atheists are so much better!"
    (Do you people honestly think that an entire group comprised of 2-3 billion people all around the world is entirely "bad"? And by that "logic" I'm sure you also believe Stalin was a good person just because he was an atheist.)

    4. "There are no theists in science!"
    (Michio Kaku, Sir Isaac Newton, Galileo, Francis Bacon, Georges Lemaitre, Charles Darwin, Albert Einstein, and countless others would like to have a word with you, little boy!)

    5. "Atheists are the only people in the world who understand science!"
    (Again, all of the greatest scientists who have ever lived would love to slap some sense into you!)

    6. "The Bible is a book of fairytales!"
    (Yeah, because people get killed for reading Snow White or for believing that Robin Hood was real ALL THE TIME! Sarcasm aside, if that were true, all of the Christian martyrs in the past 2,000+ years could've just said, "HA! Just kidding! I never TRULY believed in God!" If they were just making up a bedtime story to help themselves sleep at night, they would've said so instead of being killed.)

    7. "You have to respect us atheists, but we don't have to respect you in return!"
    (Sorry, but I believe in mutual respect. If you treat me like shit for my "wrong think" - aka my belief in God - then I'm not going to sit there and take it. I'll put you in your place and make you feel as horrible as you make me feel.)

    8. "Morality is subjective!"
    (If that's true, rape is good, feeding your baby is evil, murder is okay, loving your family is a terrible idea, laws don't matter, beating your wife is cool, and molesting children is a normal and healthy sexuality.)

    9. "Theism is the cause of all wars!"
    (Actually, only 6% of all wars were started for theistic reasons, and they were pretty much all reactionary. The other 94% of all wars were caused by greed, disagreements, etc., all of which had nothing to do with theism at all.)

    10. "Hitler was a Christian!"
    (Nope. Hitler hated Christianity and saw it as a disease created by the Jews.)

    11. "Theism has never done anything good, only bad stuff!"
    (I guess you don't like science, medicine, education, music, art, charity, soup kitchens, or hospitals. Those damn, dirty theists and their revolutionary ideas and life-saving inventions! We'd be better off without them!)

    12. "We are all born atheists!"
    (No, we're not. Atheism is a positive claim - see #1. We are all born agnostic, or "not knowing", but we all develop a sense that there is Something out there greater than all of us... unless there's something mentally wrong with us, then we become atheists.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Here's another one:
      "Only theists kill people! Atheists never kill anyone!"

      Except for Muslim families
      And Christian high school students
      And people aged 7 months old to 78 years old in churches
      And hundreds of millions of Jews and Christians in Germany, France, and Soviet Russia
      And elementary school students
      And people attending country music concerts
      And people in mosques

      I can go on and on. I'm all for better gun control, but maybe we should try to find a cure for the mental illness known as atheism before we do anything about guns. We should also prevent atheists from buying kitchen knives until they get an education and abandon their stupid, backwards, superstitious atheistic beliefs.

      #AtheistsAreDangerousAndMentallyIll
      #KissMyChristianAss!

      Delete
  14. I think, therefore I don't need atheism.

    Atheism is just another myth, one that has been disproven time and time again and is even easier to debunk than other equally silly myths like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.

    Christianity is the objective truth and has more evidence to support it than any other worldview has. Atheism, meanwhile, has the least amount of evidence to support it.

    Science supports Christianity and disproves atheism.

    History supports Christianity and disproves atheism.

    Christianity is obviously true to anyone who knows how to think. Atheism seems true only to people who don't think.

    #Christian4Life
    #AtheismIsBullcrap

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  15. Atheism is bullshit. How is it any different from scientology or the belief in Santa Claus?

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  16. Man, atheism is nutty as hell, and it doesn't surprise me that they seek out Christian blogs to post stupid illogical comments. Keep up the good work and don't ever let the atheist scumbags get you down! :)

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  17. Atheists love killing babies, theists, and school children. Read a history book; throughout human history, atheists have been vicious, bloodthirsty barbarians who lash out and slaughter innocent people just for daring to be different. They then always turn around and try to justify all of it by saying the world is a better place without all the non-atheists who have lost their lives to the worst malignant cancer the universe has ever known: atheism.

    And they have the gall to come here and whine and cry about how jokes about them hurt their precious little atheist feelings. Fuck that and fuck atheists. Those worthless, Godless cunts don't deserve any respect. What they deserve is to have their entire shitty belief system eradicated.

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  18. Atheists don't actually believe in science. They believe in science-fiction fairytales and stupid atheist books that teach them that we're all just meatsacks full of magical stardust. They're also stupid and naive enough to believe that only atheists are intelligent and moral, and that everyone else is just a mentally retarded, evil, subhuman piece of trash.

    Why do they believe in all that nonsense? Because their oh-so precious lord and savior Dicky Dawkins told them to! So much for that whole "freethinker" facade atheists love to put on...

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    Replies
    1. Know science, no atheism. It's really that simple.

      Delete
  19. Everything that comes out of an atheist's mouth sucks. All they know how to do is lie, bully, slander, attack and destroy. That's why I'm anti-atheist to the bone, and proud of it!

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  20. Atheists believe in the craziest things without any evidence whatsoever.

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  21. When a person says they like facts, not emotions... but their an atheist. Oh, the ironic cringe.

    Atheists hate facts, and their entire belief system is based on emotions and feelings. Not science, not evidence, not logic, not truth, not facts. Just their own little fee-fees. Atheism is a comforting delusion for people who don't like facts.

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  22. Atheists disgust me beyond belief, but do you know what disgusts me more than atheists? Atheists who believe that "science" and "atheism" are synonymous.

    Here's why science and atheism are two completely different things...

    Science: Put man on the moon.
    Atheism: Put pedophiles in the public school system.

    Science: Finds cures for diseases.
    Atheism: Causes school shootings.

    Science: Discovers things about the universe.
    Atheism: Makes up fairy stories about the origin of the universe and tries to pass them off as "facts".

    Science: Is about facts and evidence, not emotions and feelings.
    Atheism: Is about emotions and feelings, not facts and evidence.

    Science: Points to God's existence.
    Atheism: Denies the obvious truth of God's existence.

    Science: Unites people through studies.
    Atheism: Kills people for not being atheists.

    Science: Requires intelligence and critical thinking skills.
    Atheism: Doesn't require intelligence or critical thinking skills.

    Science: Benefits society.
    Atheism: Has never done anything for society except cause destruction, chaos, war, and death.

    It's really that simple.

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    1. Don't forget the fact that atheists are also sexist and racist; the majority of Christians are women and non-white people, and atheists will not hesitate to call them racial and gendered slurs.

      Science, on the other hand, treats men, women, and people of all races and beliefs equally.

      Maybe if atheists actually knew anything at all about science, they wouldn't be such nasty, stupid, slimy, hateful, hypocritical, violent bigots.

      Delete
  23. Christians are number 1. Atheists are number 0. And as such, atheists are jealous of us Christians because we out-do them in every imaginable way.

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  24. Atheism is a made-up fairytale for retards.

    Everytime atheotards brag about how great they think they are, I just roll my eyes. Their atheism clearly promotes the genocide of theists.

    Atheotards should all be thrown in concentration camps.

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  25. I find it absolutely hilarious that atheists are taking this post seriously. It's obvious that it's a joke about how dumb atheism truly is. I thought atheists were supposed to be so much smarter than everyone else who has ever lived. Why can't they understand simple satire?

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  26. I'm so tired of atheists forcing their beliefs on everyone else. They deserve to be knocked down a few pegs.

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  27. Today I saw a porta potty decorated on the exterior with fake wood paneling to hide what was really inside. Metaphor for atheistic belief?

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  28. Atheism = a goat herder's guide to the universe.

    Atheists are so retarded. It's no wonder none of them are qualified to be doctors or scientists, while Christians are.

    Atheists are nothing but worthless, lazy, braindead, subhuman scumfucks who are bigoted and ungrateful towards people who actually do work.

    ReplyDelete